


For Now We See in a Mirror Dimly, but then Face to Face

by julieschmulie



Series: Yellow [1]
Category: We Know the Devil (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Canon Trans Character, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Pre-Canon, Trans Female Character, Underage Smoking, Venus is having a time, no beta we die like women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julieschmulie/pseuds/julieschmulie
Summary: Venus doesn't see herself yet. It feels like being suffocated.
Relationships: Jupiter/Neptune/Venus (We Know the Devil), Neptune/Venus (We Know the Devil)
Series: Yellow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589035
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	For Now We See in a Mirror Dimly, but then Face to Face

**Author's Note:**

> Hey uh, so this one is like. Not as cohesive as I would like, but without serious structural reworking it won't be, and I want to put it to rest. It's a sort of a mood piece about dysphoria. So like. Hope you get something out of it? Fingers crossed that someone does.
> 
> btw I censored the pronouns for Venus (mostly), but like. She's misgendering herself because it's before the game starts, so I guess be aware of that.

“Hey, Earth to Venus. Everyone left, let’s go.”

Venus’ eyes focused in from the distant glimmer on the lake to see Neptune, drenched in sweat and standing over the embers of the bonfire. She towered over Venus’ huddled body, dwarfing the small space that *e sat in. A flutter went through **s chest, settling on **s stomach doing backflips.

“Oh, uh. Sorry. What time is it?” Neptune pinched the bridge of her nose.

“It’s about 9:30. Extreme Teen asshat left about 15 minutes ago.”

“Sorry… did Jupiter go back to the cabin?” Neptune made a short sound of confirmation, giving Venus a hand. **s head swam when *e stood, the smell of incense clouding any potential for thoughts. It was honey thick and sweet to match, stinging as it met **s eyes. “Lead the way, I guess.” Without another word Neptune started walking, leaving Venus to fall in behind.

They were walking to the cabins when Neptune took a sudden left. The last dregs of the day were falling through the trees, just enough to see by. Venus caught the glimmer again in the corner of **s eyes, the light following them through the dense brush.

“Hey, Neptune? Where are we going?” Neptune slowed down, gesturing for Venus to come closer. *e climbed over the brush to be next to her, following her further into the woods. It was becoming more and more dense. The cedar trees were getting closer and closer together, draining the last light of the day out of the air.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll like it.” Not exactly reassuring, but Venus doubted that *e could find **s way back even if *e wanted to. Neptune kept walking, pulling a small flashlight out of her purse to illuminate the path they carved from the dense woods.

Soon they broke through the woods, finding themselves on the bank of a small creek. The bed was carved out of the dense rock, with the water flowing gently at the bottom of the gouge in the land. Gravel crunched under their shoes.

“Here we are. I don’t think the camp knows this is out here, or if they do they don’t give a shit. I’ve been sneaking out here for the past week.” Neptune pulled a towel and a pack of cigarettes out of her bag, setting up a place for them to sit. She pulled off her shoes and socks and dipped her feet into the water. “Do you smoke?”

“Uh, no. Sorry.” Neptune shrugged, lighting her cigarette and patting on the towel next to her. She repressed a small cough as Venus lowered ***self onto the bank of the creek. “So uh… why are we out here?”

“Thought you could use a break. The cabins are stuffy as hell, and you already seemed pretty spacey.” Neptune smoked in peace, leaning back on the towel. Venus felt the softness of her hips give way to **s bones. **s stomach stopped doing flips, instead choosing to sit like a stone in the pit of **s gut. It felt like hell. “Venus. My bitch. Why are you so goddamn nice to the bonfire captain? He obviously was trying to get under your skin tonight.”  
  
“Uh… I don’t know. It’s easier to be nice.” Venus pulled **s legs in, cradling ***self in **s arms. “I don’t think I can be like you.” It was to dark to see it clearly, but Venus could sense that Neptune was rolling her eyes.

“You don’t have to be like me. Just be your own asshole.” Neptune let the issue rest, putting her cigarette out in the gravel. They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only light being what little moonlight made it through the clouds and the glow of Neptune’s phone screen.

“Neptune? Uh, can I ask a weird question?” Venus was wound tightly, **s body distorting to fit into the smallest space *e could occupy. “Do you ever like… I dunno how to phrase this. Um. Do you ever feel like you barely know yourself? Like. The part of you that you can see is screen covering the real you.”

“Uh? Venus? Are you okay?” Neptune had shifted, sitting back up. She lightly touched Venus’ forearms, sending shivers up **s arm. “What’s going on?”

“Umm. I’m okay. I just. I don’t know, I don’t have a good answer. I’m just getting tired.” Venus contorted from under Neptune’s touch, trying to ignore the growing pit in the center of **s stomach. “Maybe we should go back.”  
  
“Um. Ok. Follow me, I guess.” Neptune got up and brushed herself off, packing up the towel and pulling her flashlight out. She began to walk off, leaving Venus to follow behind. The glimmer in the woods was growing brighter, drawing **m off the path. After staring for a second, Venus realized that *e had lost Neptune.

*e knew *e should just stay put, but the lights were too bright to be ignored. They had grown into beams crossing through the trees, painting forbidden shapes in the dark. They called for Venus. *e stumbled through the underbrush, drawn by some unknown instinct, chasing for the source. The woods became hot and dry, so much so that Venus worried *e would crack like dry paper. After a short time of struggling through the underbrush, Venus found a clearing.

Bursting into the opening where the cabins were located, Venus realized how thirsty *e was. Neptune was walking down the path, texting furiously. When she saw Venus crouched over the water fountain she started walking.

“Venus! What the fuck were you doing?! You just vanished, I’ve been looking for an hour.”

“I just… uh, did you say an hour?” Neptune looked furious, and Venus could feel ***self shrinking under her gaze. “I uh, thought I saw… something. I went to take a look and ended up here.”

“Well next time you want to go frolicking through the woods let me know first. Jesus, let me text Jupiter. She’s still out looking.” She began tapping on her phone, her eyebrows knit into an angry line across her forehead. Venus felt a flutter in **s throat.

However, the flutter didn’t leave. Soon Venus felt it climbing, doubling **m over with heavy coughs. After a few seconds, *e hacked it up into **s mouth, spitting it on the grass around the cabin. A small feather lay on the ground, so light a yellow that it was almost white. **s heart was beating so loudly that *e could barely hear the sounds of the woods around them.

In that moment she could feel the lights behind her eyes, casting themselves outwards, a moment of clarity in the murk that she lived in. In that moment she could see herself, could almost see everything. Soft sounds swirled around, a golden chorus calling for her to join them. But the moment passed, and the light faded. Now wasn’t the time to face the music. Venus dusted ***self off and followed Neptune into the woods to find their friend.


End file.
